Catnip’s Jurnal entry 1
We haz come tew da end o my Known Universe. Jk. I was goin about my bizness, jus brakin’ down da last o’ da big boxes befur dey get bound fur frantic clawin’ in da mornin. N I say to myself, it 4:20, time fur me last veterinarian weed break to prevent stuff on da way home.
So I go sit utside n whips out my dandy new dry herb vape. I packs it w gooey green catnip, da gud stuff, from dat fancy catnip supplier.
I haz to break da boxes down befur frantically clawin' dem to complete da recyclin'
I was so ready ta kicks it after a long week o recyclin’. I took my first sweet draw, n den, all a sudden, dere dis narco bitch growling n pinnin’ me to da ground. She mussa been new to da narc k9s had ta make quota, cuz she dinit care wen I hissed n told da bitch it jus catnip.
Actually I say, “Bitch, wat u doin!? Dis Catifurnia, don u kno weed iz legal?!” She sur did not like dat even do da dog wiz litrally a bitch. Wimmins. Dogs. Whatever. So she put me in cuffs (not da fun ones) n tooks me in to da pokey.
Dey kept calling me frog like it n insult when dey takin my paw prints, cuz i iz green N den dey tole me I be booked so I kept callin’ dem sons of bitches, cuz dey R.
I tole dem, no I iz a catz. But dey jus luff n stick me in wit a coupla nasty strays w mange. I ask fur ma fone call, but dey say cats don’t hav rites n I better get comfortable cuz da cop dog say I iz a blkmercat drug pusher n a menace. Me? Cumon. I jus smoking me herb man. Stoopid hoomans dat lissun ta dirty bitch cops.
Nyway, here I iz. Jailcat. Nuthin ta do but wait til dey A Rain me. Wtf?. Luky I smugled in dis fone, no ask. No WiFi, but at least I can Jurnal ta pass da time. Wish I had da doe ta bribe a guard fur da WiFi password tho… maby if I can jus get a cell signul I can call fur hep n funds.
Free Catnip wit yoor purrchase!
Catnip da Kitten was unfairly convicted fur pawsession of a Class-1 edible on 4/20, a major holiday fur catnip and hooman-nip enthusiasts, and is now in solitary confinment.