Author: Azeara Da International Cat of Mistery

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Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 17

Da International Cat ob Mystery Sez Goodbye

Woke up dis mornin sad cuz dis last day here til nex tiem. I try nawt ta mope but it hard wen I feel so mopey. I rub me cheekz all ober da bed n floor n ebry cornr ta mak it cleer dat dis Azearastan eben ifn I nawt here. Me cheekz gawt sore I rubd dem so mutch. But it wuz a fing ob beauty wen I done n smelld glorius.

Affur dat I ask Mama ta let me free in Grammaz haus n I went ta spreed me scent az mutch az posible so I nawt be forgot. Da dogs follow me about az I do dis. I fink dey boff helpin by doin a quality sniff test, n dey also twyin ta get a gud wif ob me undercarraj. I let dem at furst, but I draw da line at dogs stikin der wet nosez up me butt. Isabela twy dat n I had ta hiss, but she bak off quik, so all gud.

Wen I dun wif da markin I ask speshal permishun ta visit da Mexi-catz in dere bedroom cave. Dey wuz all spreed owt across da room wif Chico n Nemisis on da big bed n Gato Grande in a cat bed on da floor n Freya tukd in Grammaz laundry basket. Dey awl lookd up wen I cam in n Freya climbd down ta gib me a nose greetin. We co-purrd fur a minute n den I told her I wuz feelin sad cuz we leebin soon. She gib me hed bumps.

I went ober ta Gato Grande n gib him da skwintiest skwints I cud do n chuffd a bit so he mew I luvd him mucho. I ached ta gib him nose kissz n lik hiz hed but Mama sed I can nawt cuz hiz bugs cud mak me sik tew. We co-skwinted fur a gud long tiem n he sent me cuddl n nose kiss thawts n I sent him hed groomin thawts. My hart felt big n hevy n hurt wike it had a big rip insid cuz I mew hiz tiem wuz runnin owt n dis prolly be da last tiem I eber see him.

I took a skwinty nap nex ta Grande’s bed n dreemd we wuz walkin togever in a big green garden sniffn fingz wif da wind blowin r long hairz n leevs swirlin round us.  Grande lookd at me wif so mutch lov I felt full inside. We tuchd hedz. Den I wok up n mew Gato Grande had sed goodby ta me furevah n it wuz OK. I sent him more lov furevah thawts n tol da oderz goodby til nex tiem.

Den Mama took me owt ta da garden n I sniffd n sniffd all da Mexi-smells til da hoomanz set me on da table fur lunch. I had me speshul fudz, wile dey flaunted dere meats. So rud, but wat yoo do?

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – na   Texchur – na  Pain Rating – 2  Notez : I nawt go cuz I upset

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 18

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez on Da Road Agin

Mama iz pakin awl me fingz meow n I lownjin on da floofy bed won last tiem. I haz me harness on alreedy. I twy ta avoyd dis by hidin in da closet, but Mama tew cleber n she find me anyway. Ta mak up fur it Mama gib me sum catnip on da floofy bed soz I feel supah weeeeeeeeeeee rite meow. Life iz gud. Yep. Life iz gu…….. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I wake up ta find all da bagz pakd n it tiem ta go. Daddy iz already takin da fings down ta da car n Gramma iz here gibin me goodby pats. I gib her sum purrz til Mama liff me up ta her shoulder. Awl da hoomanz hug n sez dere goodbyez n den we getz in da car.

I sit up front wif Mama n get settled on her lap. Soon da car moov n we iz off n on da road agin. I stan in da window n watch Mexico stream past wile I tak in da butiful smellz. I cry a little dat wez leevin, but Mam sez, “Don worry, we will com bak again.” I gib Mama hed butt jus so she kno dat dis mak me happy. Mama floofs me hed furz.

Den it bak ta bizness n I goez round da car doin me job chekin da windowz fur visibility. I find a sweater blokin da bak window n I alert da hoomanz ta da violashun. Mama corrects da problem n I moov on ta me nex responsibility: entertainin da hoomanz. I meow ta Mama ta put on sum musics n I hep her look fur musics. We pik da Beetles cuz dey iz gud n crunchy n mak Daddy say funny fingz in pwotest.

Den we iz ridin agin, jus like be4 but now we hedin home. I sad ta leeb, but home iz callin n Terri n Izbella iz waitin.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – gud  Pain Rating – 2  Notez : I go asap ta mark da car. Hoomans nawt amusd

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 19

Da International Cat ob Mystery Seez Da Oder Side ob da Border

Wez at da Border meow in a long long line ob carz dat iz nawt moovin. Dis da hardess part ob da Mexi-tripz – crossin bak into da US. It meen waitin n waitin n tryin nawt ta go crazy frum bordum. Dere nawt mutch ta see but carz n oberpasses n hoomanz sellin fingz wike dis da last place on Earff.

Mama sez it best ta jus ignor dem, but dey iz jus tew intrestin fur dat imho. Dere iz all kinds of peepl sellin all kindz ob fings jus owtsid da carz. Der iz menz loaded down wif britely colord Mexican memrobilia hangin frum ebery part ob der body. Der iz peeps wif cartz ob hawt n cold foodz dat smellz delishush, but Mama sez it nawt gud fur me (nuthin gud iz). Der iz eben peeps carryin wee pups in der arms around da carz. I feel bad fur da pups, dey look lik dey jus wanna go bak ta der Mama n sleep.

Wez moovin a wee bit agin. Mama sez we been in da line fur an our alreedy. She put on some daddy music,(cuz he wuz howlin of boredom)  n start playin wif itz soothin deep beet. I stan up agin n watch a man slowly roll past in a rollin char wif hiz leg tukd under himsef. I winder wy he do dat? Den he catch me watchin n hold up a can dat he rattlez at us. Mama pretends she don see him so I do tew.

A seeminly endles streem ob peepl line da middl lane tween da carz awl sellin fings r rattlin der canz. Affur while dey jus swirl togever in a mishmash ob colorz n smellz. I wonder wy dey hier wike dis. I see oder carz nearby buyin fingz, den anoder n anoder. Den I getz it – we iz trapd here n dez peeps figure wez bord n maby hungry tew. Dat bery nice, dey jus don kno dat Gramma alreedy gab us snaks fur da car.

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Finally wez see da Border wif da cameraz n gards n gard hausez n eben sniffin dogs. I watch a man wif a sniffin dog walk past r car to da nex won n da dog start sniffin it. What he sniffin fur? Da man n dog moov further away. Sum da gards c me in da window n start moovin dere hands all about n showin dere teefs. I poof me chest furz n twy look mysterius.

Den we at da gard haus n da gard iz takin fingz frum Mama n Daddy. He looks at me n showz hiz teef. I poof owt me tail n hold it high ta show I iz bery furiendly. Den da man wav his hand n we iz free!! We drive cross da border – we iz bak in America meow!

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾  Color – na   Texchur – na  Pain Rating – 2  Notez : Too mutch awdiens tew go…

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 20

Da International Cat ob Mystery iz Bak in da USA

We goin reel fast meow on da smoov fweeway roadz. Dere iz lot less bumpiness hier den in Mexico, so it seem like we go faster n faster. Fingz zip past so fast I barely get ta see dem. Cars, cars, cars ob all colors n buildinz n townz speed past in a blur n da smellz r gettin mor n mor familiar.

Den we iz slowin down, but we nawt home yet so I cry at do Hoomanz dat dey iz mistaken. Mama sez we go ta a resstop were I can stretch me legz n da hoomanz can yooz da hooman litter boxes. I stay wif da car az Mama n Daddy tak turns wif me. Den we awl get out n go inside ta a food store. I get a nice spongy couch ta sit on wile da hoomans partak in hawt dwinkz. I keep an i on da car fru da window n enjoy da food smellz. I eben get a bit ob me foodz b4 we leeb.

Hoomanz go bak n forth owtside da big window n sum point at me n sho der teef. Mama sez dey fink I iz qt n bery pretty. Well duh. I prans n floof me tail a littl ta gib dem a gud show n dey show me awl der teef. Gud fing I kno dat da hoomanz show der teef like kittehz skwint r eyez, oderwiz I wud be frightend. Insted I iz prowd.

Bak in da car, I chek awl da windowz agin n we iz off. It dark meow n I see brite splashes ob colord lites paintin da sid ob da road in crazy patterns dat soon don mak no sens. So I curl up in Mamas lap n finally get a nice car nap az we zoom eber closer ta da home turf.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – gud  Pain Rating – 2  Notez : Da hoomanz disposd ob me perfeck car poo! WTF!!

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 18

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Home

I wok up ta da wunderfur feelin dat we iz almost home. I jumd up ta look owt da window n fings look familiar. I get excitd n meow at Mama n Daddy. “Yes, we almost home,” dey sez. I kno I meow. I chek da windows fur visibility agin n den stand in da window az fings get more n more familiar. Den da smells smell lik home tew n I get ansty n run frum window ta window wile Mama twyz mak me sit down.

I see da home treez dat Mr Raven libz in n get reely excitd. We home! We Home!!! If I cud burtst thru da windowz n run da rest ob da way I wud but Mama holdz me bak til we driv into r parkin space. Den we stop n I bout ta splode owt da car if I hav ta wait won more minute. Finally da door openz n me feetz hit da grownd. I sniff it. I iz home! N den I iz off draggin Mama frum da car awl da way thru da gate n down da walkway. Mama twiez ta keep up, but I pull so hard dat Mama jus let go da leesh n let me fly. I zoom up da stairz ta r door wif me feetz barely tuchin da steps n rush awl da way ta r door. Den I haz ta stop n wait fur da hoomanz ta catch up.

Den Mama openz da door n in I go lookin fur me sibs in da dark haus inside. I stik me tail straight up n floof it fancy ta greet Izbella n Terri, but da haus is quiet n dark. I chek awl da roomz won by won n tak a pit stop at me litter box. I start gettin nerbus dat me sibs haz run away r escapd wile we away, but den a sleepy Terri appeerz from a dark cornr. I rush ober ta hed butt n nose greet him n we spend a gud long wile co-sniffin wile da hoomanz com in n owt wif r stuff. Terri n I find a comfy spot on da floor ta watch da hoomanz moovin fings inside wile Terri catches me up on da gossip n I tell him bout Mexico.

Terri made a mew friend wif won ob da yung squirrelz n Mr. Raven haz been comin by skarin da tail furz off dem jus fur fun. Mr. Raven’s mew nest iz comin along, he parently took sum ob r ole toyz fur decorashun. Catnip haz been sneekin owt wif hiz girlfuriend at nite, n comin bak awl bed hed in da mornin. So dat were he iz now, asleep in hiz bed. Izbella haz been Izbellin, bein bitchy ta awl wen she iz owt, but mostly she been hidin in her cat condo.

Den Izbella appeerz tew n we exchange skwintz. She sits nex ta me n we continue watchin da hoomans wile she sniffs me but pretends nawt ta be doin nuffin. Finally da hoomanz iz dun n dey close da door n flop on dere charz. I feel happy n hol n jump onto me pillow on da bed n fall into a deep deep sleep. Den I dream ob a wurld where gramma is rite nex door n I can visit da Mexi-cats wif Terri n den com home fur kibblz.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – gud  Pain Rating – 2  Notez : dat nite I go in me own box – it rawk

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Nex tiem:  Da International Cat Ob Mystery Conkerz Death but lozez sum ob her Mystery

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Note frum Azeara:
Mama sez I shud shar mor poo infoz cuz hoomanz fink poo funy. I finkz dat crazy but Mama she gibz da foodz an scoopz da poo so I sez ok fur meow. Yoo tellz me wat u fink. Too Poo R Nawt Too Poo?

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 12

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Under da Bed

I hates da Mama rite meow! An Gramma an Daddy tew! Dey iz so mean n triksy. How DARE dey triks me wif a “car trip” n den deliber mez to da Stikin Man. Nasty dirty hoomanz. I shud neber trust dem agin. Neber!

Mah neck still hurtz were da Stikin Man stikd me gud n stole mah bluds. I twy lik da spot but it nawt eazy ta reech. Wat he wan mah bludz fur? Iz he decidin if I R tasty enuf? Iz he gonna eet mez?! Oh no! Dis mak me shudder n feel sik soz I rev up da purr enjin n twy nawt ta fink tew mutch but dat rilly hard wen I sooooo angry.

I iz squeezd under da big floofy bed in a corner by da wall n da wurld feel wike a bery scary nasty plac rite meow. Mah tummy rumblin n mah hart fluttrin tew mutch. I cloz mah eyez n fink bout home n all mah nice cozy spots dat I wish I wuz in rite meow. I wan go home! Mrrrooooowwwww! Ooops, I sed dat owt lowd n Mama hurd me.

Mama hed popd under da bed. I twy mak mahseff tinier but I alreedy bery tiny. “Yoo ok, sweety?” I stard at Mama wif n R u kiddin me face. No. I ben stukd n trikd n I don wike yoo rite meow. Go away. But Mama now on da floor reechin fur me n I haz no were ta go.

Den I gets hed scrtach n bak strok frum Mama. It feeld tew gud. Darnit! Den wif owt askin r nuffin Mama pulld me out frum under da bed n plopd me bak on top! Hoo yoo fink yoo R Lady??!!!! I mak angry sondz but Mama bringd oot da brush n rubd it under mah chin. No! I will nawt be won ober! Nnnnnnn….. oooooooOO, dat soooooooo guuuuuuuud!

Sigh. Mama so cleber, I neber stood a chans az I wuz soon bak on da bed n fast asleep dreemin ob Stikin Man n Mama petz.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – meh   Texchur – ick  Pain Rating – 5  Notez : diarrhea n tummy burblz

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 13

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez to da Dogz

Dat Mama, she tew cleber. I wan treet wen I wake frum mah nap, soz Mama getzs me sum dried venison bitz. But first she sez I haz ta tak mah new medisinz. I complan but Mama no care n I haz tak it. It wuz gros – icky tastin n gooey, but I swallowd it down. N den I getz treet. It yummy, but I nawt sur it wuz az yummy az da meds wuz icky. Soz I ask fur anoder treet n akt qt. N it wurkd! I so qt, I gotz extra treetz.

I feeld gud meow, so gud I wan go owt. Mama remindz me dat da dogz R owtside, but I don care. I iz reedy fur dem.

Mama putz on mah harness n we go owtside to da garden agin. It bery sunny day wif a wee breez dat feel so gud. I smell flowerz n fingz I neber seen b4. I enjoy windin in n owt ob da garden plantz n sniffin evrything. I den hier da dogz comin frum da oder side ob da haus n I quikly jump up to safety on da garden tabl.

Frum dere I observ da dogz n eben say “Hola Perros!” put dey cant get at me if I don wan.

Furst to appeer iz da big dog, Picasso, n he stiks hiz big wet nose at me ta say hi. I stayz bak dow, cuz I member wen he chasd mez won tiem n it wuz NAWT fun. Picasso start makin whinin sondz. Mama sez he sad cuz I nawt greet him proper n he rilly like cats. I fink maby he like ta eet us. I stay rite hier, Mama.

Den da wee dogz appeer. Three ob dem. Diego, da Jak Russel mix, comz ta da tabl n starts jumpin up n don like a bownsy ball twyin ta see me. He wook rilly silly wif hiz floppy earz flyin. Den Blak Izbella, a medium sizd blak mutt, calmly wakz ober n gibz me eye luv. Dis surpriz me so mutch I find maseff movin towardz her n b4 I can stop wez tuchin noses lik we buddiez. Dat surpriz us boff n we sit down n star fur a while. Da spell nawt brak until teeny tiny Zorro start barkin hiz wee bark az he bowns up n don jus wike Diego.

Dis go on fur a bit n den Picasso gibs up n goez ober tew a pile ob blankets ta lay down. Da oder dogs follow n soon dere iz a big dog pile snorin in da sun. I getz comfy on mah table n tak nap tew. I iz Queen ob da Garden, I fink az I drift off, yes I am!

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – meh   Texchur – meh  Pain Rating – 3  Notez : improvin, tummy calmd down

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 14

Da International Cat ob Mystery Vizits da Ded

Today I went owt into MexiLand ta vizit ded peeplz. Dat wat Mama sed. I didnt kno wat ded peepl wuz but I hopd dey kewl. I also hopd dat wen Mama sed we goin on “car trip” dat it wuz nawt anoder trik. It wuz nawt. I soooo releevd!

We went ta mew place were dere lots of shorn grasses dat I cud roll in. Der wuz also a garden ob funny roks dat I wakd in. N we met ded peepl. At leest dat wat Mama tole me, dat dey ded. I don kno bout dat. I fink maby dey jus peepl wif funny colorz on dere face, but I dont let on dat I kno dis cuz da hoomanz, dey happy n I don wanna mess dat up.

So I pranced thru da Land O da Ded n sniffd all da ded peeplz (dat how I kno dey jus peepl) n took pics ob dem n dere ded peepl shrinez. Mama, Daddy n Gramma tawk ta da ded peepl n ask dem bout fingz dat I did nawt care bout. So I wander n find sum spiders in a dusty corner. Dey tell me dat da ded peepl com ebery year. R dat wat da Ancient Won (Grat Grandaddy Spider) sed  long long ago. I wonder wy.

Affur da spiderz I walkd into won doez shrinez n sniffd all da offerinz. Den I sniffd n sneezd all ober da sand art dat wuz on da floor n sum went flyin. Dis almost cawz a scene but Mama got me outta dere fast b4 anyone see.

In da car bak ta Grammaz, I musta lookd sad, cuz Mama tole me it ok, don feel bad about da sand art. So ob curs I confuzed. All dis ded stuff iz confuzin aktully. Furst: dey nawt ded, n wy yoo mak party n pretend ta be ded b4 yoo iz ded? Mak no sens, but den Hoomans don yoozshally mak mutch sens do dey?

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – ok  Pain Rating – 1  Notez : feel gud

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 15

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Nativ

I nawt rite fur few days meow, wuz tew busy bein dogd n catted. Fingz iz gud hier n I feelz lots bettah. Mama sez it cuz da medisinz, I fink it cuz I meow feel at hom. Last nite I hungd owt wif da Mexi-cats n we had fun gossipin bout da dogs n how silly dey R. Cept fur Blak Izbella, she kewl. I fink it cuz she da only won dat don bark all da tiem. Wy dogs do dat I neber kno.

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It funny but affur a few dayz I stop hazin hard tiem wif da Mexi-pets wurdz n dey jus mak sens meow. Freya iz da best ob da cats, R at leest da best ta me. She alwayz happy n eazy. She tole me bout her hard lif b4 Gramma tuk her off da street. She yoosd ta be hungry n skard all da tiem, n cold n wet lots. Meow she haz eberyfing she cud eber want. Da foodz iz always dere (dat wy I ate da bad foodz cuz it jus out all da tiem) n Gramma alwayz pet her n da dogs eben protect her wen dey yoosd ta bark at her. She haz it gud. Onwy sumtiems she get sad wen she fink ob her sisfur dat wuz tew skard tew be cawt by Gramma, n her kittenz dat da hoomanz took away “to gud homz.” But onwy sumtiemz, mostly she da happiest cat I eber seen.

I fink I wike it hier in Mexico. I wike da Mexi-cats n da Mexi-dogs R ok tew. Grammaz haus iz pawesum wif itz hidin spotz fur hidin n da garden fur sunnin. I wike gettin ta lay in da sun so mutch. We can not da dat at hom cuz dere R cars were da sun goez n we onwy get sun spots fur short tiem. N in Mexico I haz mah bery own Cat Tower n bery own floofy bed dat I shar wif Mama n Daddy. Yoo kno wat, I don wanna go hom no more. Maby we neber will. I miss Izbella n Terri a wee bit, but I get ober it if wez haz ta stay hier furevah.

I fink I let Mama kno dis by makin a grand poo n da center ob R room ta claim it az MINE FUREVAH! I iz da International Cat ob Mystery n I iz brav n strong.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – gud  Pain Rating – 0  Notez : feel gud

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 16

Da International Cat ob Mystery Haz a Bad Day

Today startd owt alrite. Da sun wuz shinin n da Mexi-pets wuz happy. I had mah medisinz n dey wuz ok n den mah foodz witch wuz gud. We had a garden wak n I slept in da sun on da tower.

Mama did nawt howeber, tak my Poo-declarashun bery well. I don fink she understan wat it ment. Dere wuz shoutin n Mama sez WY YOO DO DIS!!? N I twy tell her how I wanna stay n be a Mexi-cat, but Mama jus kep growlin n tak mah poo away n flush it. But den Mama get ober it, n we goez owt n be in da garden agin.

Affur wakin fur a bit I wuz layin in da sun, mindin mah own cat bizness wen I furst herd it. “Wen do yoo want ta go hom?”

It wuz Mama askin Daddy n I hopd Daddy wud say NEBER, but he did nawt. He sed TOMORROW. N den I feel sik n haz ta run inside n get under da bed.

I fink: I don wanna go hom! No I wan stay hier wif my Mexi-fam. I wan kep mah tower n mah garden n mah floofy bed. Maby if I find a rilly gud hidin spot dey wont go, or maby dey leev wifowt mez… Dat thot upset me so mutch – bein left wifowt Mama n Daddy – dat I deside I don wanna hid cuz bein left iz wurs den leevin. So I climb to top ob mah tower n try wook extra sad.

It nawt wurk. Mama cam n gab kisses n pets n so did Daddy, but den dey tell Gramma dat we prolly leeb TOMORROW. Mah hart droppd ta mah belly n now I rilly wuz sad.

I went ta hang wif da Mexi-cats n tole dem da mewz. Den wez all sad n don gossip no mor. I wen ta bed wif a nawt in mah tummy n an empty spot in mah hart. It wuz a bery bad day.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – meh   Texchur – meh  Pain Rating – 7  Notez : I don wan go hom!!!

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Tune in nex tiem ta find owt if da International Cat ob Mystery gets her wish or if her luvin hart mus be broken.

Da tailz continooz afur yoo see me merch:

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