
Azeara Diarrheย no. 2001 – 17
Da International Cat ob Mystery Sez Goodbye
Woke up dis mornin sad cuz dis last day here til nex tiem. I try nawt ta mope but it hard wen I feel so mopey. I rub me cheekz all ober da bed n floor n ebry cornr ta mak it cleer dat dis Azearastan eben ifn I nawt here. Me cheekz gawt sore I rubd dem so mutch. But it wuz a fing ob beauty wen I done n smelld glorius.
Affur dat I ask Mama ta let me free in Grammaz haus n I went ta spreed me scent az mutch az posible so I nawt be forgot. Da dogs follow me about az I do dis. I fink dey boff helpin by doin a quality sniff test, n dey also twyin ta get a gud wif ob me undercarraj. I let dem at furst, but I draw da line at dogs stikin der wet nosez up me butt. Isabela twy dat n I had ta hiss, but she bak off quik, so all gud.
Wen I dun wif da markin I ask speshal permishun ta visit da Mexi-catz in dere bedroom cave. Dey wuz all spreed owt across da room wif Chico n Nemisis on da big bed n Gato Grande in a cat bed on da floor n Freya tukd in Grammaz laundry basket. Dey awl lookd up wen I cam in n Freya climbd down ta gib me a nose greetin. We co-purrd fur a minute n den I told her I wuz feelin sad cuz we leebin soon. She gib me hed bumps.
I went ober ta Gato Grande n gib him da skwintiest skwints I cud do n chuffd a bit so he mew I luvd him mucho. I ached ta gib him nose kissz n lik hiz hed but Mama sed I can nawt cuz hiz bugs cud mak me sik tew. We co-skwinted fur a gud long tiem n he sent me cuddl n nose kiss thawts n I sent him hed groomin thawts. My hart felt big n hevy n hurt wike it had a big rip insid cuz I mew hiz tiem wuz runnin owt n dis prolly be da last tiem I eber see him.
I took a skwinty nap nex ta Grande’s bed n dreemd we wuz walkin togever in a big green garden sniffn fingz wif da wind blowin r long hairz n leevs swirlin round us.ย Grande lookd at me wif so mutch lov I felt full inside. We tuchd hedz. Den I wok up n mew Gato Grande had sed goodby ta me furevah n it wuz OK. I sent him more lov furevah thawts n tol da oderz goodby til nex tiem.
Den Mama took me owt ta da garden n I sniffd n sniffd all da Mexi-smells til da hoomanz set me on da table fur lunch. I had me speshul fudz, wile dey flaunted dere meats. So rud, but wat yoo do?
POO INFO:ย Date – ๐พ๐พ๐พ๐พ ย Color – naย ย Texchur – naย Pain Rating – 2ย Notez : I nawt go cuz I upset
Azeara Diarrheย no. 2001 – 18
Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez on Da Road Agin
Mama iz pakin awl me fingz meow n I lownjin on da floofy bed won last tiem. I haz me harness on alreedy. I twy ta avoyd dis by hidin in da closet, but Mama tew cleber n she find me anyway. Ta mak up fur it Mama gib me sum catnip on da floofy bed soz I feel supah weeeeeeeeeeee rite meow. Life iz gud. Yep. Life iz gu…….. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I wake up ta find all da bagz pakd n it tiem ta go. Daddy iz already takin da fings down ta da car n Gramma iz here gibin me goodby pats. I gib her sum purrz til Mama liff me up ta her shoulder. Awl da hoomanz hug n sez dere goodbyez n den we getz in da car.
I sit up front wif Mama n get settled on her lap. Soon da car moov n we iz off n on da road agin. I stan in da window n watch Mexico stream past wile I tak in da butiful smellz. I cry a little dat wez leevin, but Mam sez, “Don worry, we will com bak again.” I gib Mama hed butt jus so she kno dat dis mak me happy. Mama floofs me hed furz.
Den it bak ta bizness n I goez round da car doin me job chekin da windowz fur visibility. I find a sweater blokin da bak window n I alert da hoomanz ta da violashun. Mama corrects da problem n I moov on ta me nex responsibility: entertainin da hoomanz. I meow ta Mama ta put on sum musics n I hep her look fur musics. We pik da Beetles cuz dey iz gud n crunchy n mak Daddy say funny fingz in pwotest.
Den we iz ridin agin, jus like be4 but now we hedin home. I sad ta leeb, but home iz callin n Terri n Izbella iz waitin.
POO INFO:ย Date – ๐พ๐พ๐พย Color – gudย ย Texchur – gudย Pain Rating – 2ย Notez : I go asap ta mark da car. Hoomans nawt amusd
Azeara Diarrheย no. 2001 – 19
Da International Cat ob Mystery Seez Da Oder Side ob da Border
Wez at da Border meow in a long long line ob carz dat iz nawt moovin. Dis da hardess part ob da Mexi-tripz – crossin bak into da US. It meen waitin n waitin n tryin nawt ta go crazy frum bordum. Dere nawt mutch ta see but carz n oberpasses n hoomanz sellin fingz wike dis da last place on Earff.
Mama sez it best ta jus ignor dem, but dey iz jus tew intrestin fur dat imho. Dere iz all kinds of peepl sellin all kindz ob fings jus owtsid da carz. Der iz menz loaded down wif britely colord Mexican memrobilia hangin frum ebery part ob der body. Der iz peeps wif cartz ob hawt n cold foodz dat smellz delishush, but Mama sez it nawt gud fur me (nuthin gud iz). Der iz eben peeps carryin wee pups in der arms around da carz. I feel bad fur da pups, dey look lik dey jus wanna go bak ta der Mama n sleep.
Wez moovin a wee bit agin. Mama sez we been in da line fur an our alreedy. She put on some daddy music,(cuz he wuz howlin of boredom)ย n start playin wif itz soothin deep beet. I stan up agin n watch a man slowly roll past in a rollin char wif hiz leg tukd under himsef. I winder wy he do dat? Den he catch me watchin n hold up a can dat he rattlez at us. Mama pretends she don see him so I do tew.
A seeminly endles streem ob peepl line da middl lane tween da carz awl sellin fings r rattlin der canz. Affur while dey jus swirl togever in a mishmash ob colorz n smellz. I wonder wy dey hier wike dis. I see oder carz nearby buyin fingz, den anoder n anoder. Den I getz it – we iz trapd here n dez peeps figure wez bord n maby hungry tew. Dat bery nice, dey jus don kno dat Gramma alreedy gab us snaks fur da car.
Finally wez see da Border wif da cameraz n gards n gard hausez n eben sniffin dogs. I watch a man wif a sniffin dog walk past r car to da nex won n da dog start sniffin it. What he sniffin fur? Da man n dog moov further away. Sum da gards c me in da window n start moovin dere hands all about n showin dere teefs. I poof me chest furz n twy look mysterius.
Den we at da gard haus n da gard iz takin fingz frum Mama n Daddy. He looks at me n showz hiz teef. I poof owt me tail n hold it high ta show I iz bery furiendly. Den da man wav his hand n we iz free!! We drive cross da border – we iz bak in America meow!
POO INFO:ย Date – ๐พ๐พ๐พย Color – naย ย Texchur – naย Pain Rating – 2ย Notez : Too mutch awdiens tew go…
Azeara Diarrheย no. 2001 – 20
Da International Cat ob Mystery iz Bak in da USA
We goin reel fast meow on da smoov fweeway roadz. Dere iz lot less bumpiness hier den in Mexico, so it seem like we go faster n faster. Fingz zip past so fast I barely get ta see dem. Cars, cars, cars ob all colors n buildinz n townz speed past in a blur n da smellz r gettin mor n mor familiar.
Den we iz slowin down, but we nawt home yet so I cry at do Hoomanz dat dey iz mistaken. Mama sez we go ta a resstop were I can stretch me legz n da hoomanz can yooz da hooman litter boxes. I stay wif da car az Mama n Daddy tak turns wif me. Den we awl get out n go inside ta a food store. I get a nice spongy couch ta sit on wile da hoomans partak in hawt dwinkz. I keep an i on da car fru da window n enjoy da food smellz. I eben get a bit ob me foodz b4 we leeb.
Hoomanz go bak n forth owtside da big window n sum point at me n sho der teef. Mama sez dey fink I iz qt n bery pretty. Well duh. I prans n floof me tail a littl ta gib dem a gud show n dey show me awl der teef. Gud fing I kno dat da hoomanz show der teef like kittehz skwint r eyez, oderwiz I wud be frightend. Insted I iz prowd.
Bak in da car, I chek awl da windowz agin n we iz off. It dark meow n I see brite splashes ob colord lites paintin da sid ob da road in crazy patterns dat soon don mak no sens. So I curl up in Mamas lap n finally get a nice car nap az we zoom eber closer ta da home turf.
POO INFO:ย Date – ๐พ๐พ๐พย Color – gudย ย Texchur – gudย Pain Rating – 2ย Notez : Da hoomanz disposd ob me perfeck car poo! WTF!!
Azeara Diarrheย no. 2001 – 18
Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Home
I wok up ta da wunderfur feelin dat we iz almost home. I jumd up ta look owt da window n fings look familiar. I get excitd n meow at Mama n Daddy. “Yes, we almost home,” dey sez. I kno I meow. I chek da windows fur visibility agin n den stand in da window az fings get more n more familiar. Den da smells smell lik home tew n I get ansty n run frum window ta window wile Mama twyz mak me sit down.
I see da home treez dat Mr Raven libz in n get reely excitd. We home! We Home!!! If I cud burtst thru da windowz n run da rest ob da way I wud but Mama holdz me bak til we driv into r parkin space. Den we stop n I bout ta splode owt da car if I hav ta wait won more minute. Finally da door openz n me feetz hit da grownd. I sniff it. I iz home! N den I iz off draggin Mama frum da car awl da way thru da gate n down da walkway. Mama twiez ta keep up, but I pull so hard dat Mama jus let go da leesh n let me fly. I zoom up da stairz ta r door wif me feetz barely tuchin da steps n rush awl da way ta r door. Den I haz ta stop n wait fur da hoomanz ta catch up.
Den Mama openz da door n in I go lookin fur me sibs in da dark haus inside. I stik me tail straight up n floof it fancy ta greet Izbella n Terri, but da haus is quiet n dark. I chek awl da roomz won by won n tak a pit stop at me litter box. I start gettin nerbus dat me sibs haz run away r escapd wile we away, but den a sleepy Terri appeerz from a dark cornr. I rush ober ta hed butt n nose greet him n we spend a gud long wile co-sniffin wile da hoomanz com in n owt wif r stuff.ย Terri n I find a comfy spot on da floor ta watch da hoomanz moovin fings inside wile Terri catches me up on da gossip n I tell him bout Mexico.
Terri made a mew friend wif won ob da yung squirrelz n Mr. Raven haz been comin by skarin da tail furz off dem jus fur fun. Mr. Raven’s mew nest iz comin along, he parently took sum ob r ole toyz fur decorashun. Catnip haz been sneekin owt wif hiz girlfuriend at nite, n comin bak awl bed hed in da mornin. So dat were he iz now, asleep in hiz bed. Izbella haz been Izbellin, bein bitchy ta awl wen she iz owt, but mostly she been hidin in her cat condo.
Den Izbella appeerz tew n we exchange skwintz. She sits nex ta me n we continue watchin da hoomans wile she sniffs me but pretends nawt ta be doin nuffin. Finally da hoomanz iz dun n dey close da door n flop on dere charz. I feel happy n hol n jump onto me pillow on da bed n fall into a deep deep sleep. Den I dream ob a wurld where gramma is rite nex door n I can visit da Mexi-cats wif Terri n den com home fur kibblz.
POO INFO:ย Date – ๐พ๐พ๐พย Color – gudย ย Texchur – gudย Pain Rating – 2ย Notez : dat nite I go in me own box – it rawk
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Nex tiem:ย Da International Cat Ob Mystery Conkerz Death but lozez sum ob her Mystery