See Cat ride on Pinterest.
Dear Subjects, Both Furry and Bald:
I have a story for you. It’s about my cousin, Cinnamon, and her little white pony, I mean dog –
“Achoo!” (Azeara wriggles her nose and looks elsewhere)
Are you laughing at me? She gives Azeara a demon stare.
Azeara tries to hide her big blue eyes and paws Terri who is rolling on the floor.
Stop ignoring me! This is serious cat history!
All three cats look uncomfortable.
So…. My red-striped cousin, she dreamed of being a Cowgirl. She wanted to ride, ride, ride the pony into the sun.
The other cats look skeptical.
No really. She lived in the suburbs in a big white house, with a huge luxurious lawn and the best smelling garbage you ever found.
Isabella’s mind wanders and her tail slowly undulates.
“Mrow?” says Terri.
Right, yes. Where was I?
Oh, yes, Cinnamon. She wanted to be a cowgirl. She really wanted a pony, a nice black one with a flowing mane to grab hold of, but she only had a dog. The dog was very small and white and little, mmm, slow? No, er – mentally challenged shall we say. But very fast.
She trained him soon after The People brought him home. Well, training is a little too nice. More like chasing. She chased him morning til night through the house and even around the yard. But she wouldn’t just chase him, she did this thing where she would grab his, his…
She looks at Terri and smiles toothily.
Terri perks up and listens more closely, after all, butts are his thing.
So she grabbed his butt with her paws and latched on, or tried to… At first they just ran through the house and yard, round and round, back and forth. Terrified (excited?) dog and determined cat: click click click, clackety, clackety, clack.
The People were horrified and did a lot of shouting, but nothing could stop them. Not until supper when they both dropped in a puddle panting, crying for the humans to bring sustenance.
What? No, that isn’t it. Quiet, Terri!
Many weeks passed, then it happened. She landed her first paw, secure and fully latched. But only One! What followed wasn’t pretty. Imagine a small white dog running full speed, a red-striped cat attached , dangling by one paw, dragging behind him like a water skier about to do some trick. She was sliding on her feet a few milliseconds, wildly trying to latch her other paw, but then the dog TURNED.
She screamed “Woah!” in cat, but the dog only understood dog. And so she was pulled behind him, dragged backwards on her butt until – Well, the rest is so undignified I won’t recount it, but I can report a photographic finish.
Isabella fishes a tiny white smart phone from her massive layers of fur, click, swipe. She shows them a picture.
She sent this, my cousin. Those are her broken claws.
She swipes right.
There is the little dog, with a big bald spot where she latched on!
Azeara and Terri stare not moving, their eyes as wide as saucers.
Don’t worry, they’re both fine. They even tried it again, as soon as the bald spot grew back.
Isabella clicks off the phone and stows it back inside the nether regions of her fluffy belly.
In fact, within another few months, Cinnamon and ( I forget the dogs name), mastered the art of latching both paws. She slid around behind the dog like she was on skis mushing through the wilds of Alaska, only she was on her feet and there was no snow. Maybe more like water-skiing. But the foot surfing got old after she wore through a few good paw pads –
Hey, I saw that. Really, I swear on the head of the little mouse in the corner that I will eviscerate shortly… “Hiss!”
Well, anyway, it got old. So she tried three paws. Just like in a rodeo, the bucking horse thing – what, not familiar? Like this.
Isabella mocks a cowgirl on a bucking bronco, waving her paw in the air.
“Meow?” Terri interrupts.
No, he hadn’t turned into a bucking bronco! Boy, you really are… “Grrrr.” Pay. Attention.
The dog was bucking, the cat was up and down, legs dug in, one paw holding fur, the other pointed to the ceiling, flapping back and forth as he bucked beneath her. Ride ’em cowgirl! Yeee. Haaaw! And sometimes you’d see a red fuzzy ball go flying (the little dog won!), but usually she could stay on top for at least a few seconds.
Then one day, as she bounced up and down on the dog, he started spinning in place. He’d discovered his tail for the umpteenth time of the day. And, she got dizzy. So without thinking she put down her other paw, dug her back claws in and suddenly – Vroooom! Away the went, cat and dog sailing through the open door, as one they moved, avoiding the pink snakey hands grabbing. Around the corner they raced, red ears laid flat, white ones streaming in the wind. Some say they heard Cinnamon say, “Aye-O Silver, and away!” as they galloped into the sunset.
No, Azeara, that isn’t hyperbole, they really did. It was glorious. Perfect!
They had the best time ever, or at least Cinnamon did. You can never tell with dogs, they’re always smiling. I think the humans enjoyed it, even with all the shouting and grabbing, ’cause they posted pics.
This one (link to it or embed it or say above) is right when Cinnamon landed that first paw, before the embarrassing part.
There were photos of that embarrassing part too, and the ride outside, but Cat-o-nominous made sure no eyes will ever see them. You see, evidence that cats can ride dogs, that would be dangerous. It would have brought in the humans, those creepy People in Black, and all the fans and prospective minions foaming at the mouth, and then the regulations! Well, that couldn’t happen, so Cat-o-nominous just took care if it. So nobody, except us cats, will ever really know the truth.
“Meow??” Azeara and Terri chime.
I don’t know who they are, but they seem very nice. They protect “the Greater Cat,” so I salute them! Just so long as they understand: I AM THE GREATER CAT; and they better stay out of my cyber-cat-space if they know what’s good for ’em.
So, sweet furry and bald subjects, that is the story of Cinnamon and how she proved that with determination a cat can do anything… Oh and when cats ride on dogs, everything seems right with the world.