Jurnal Entry 7 – We Haz Plan wit da Man
Been here in da pokey fur a wittle ober a week nowz, feelz like yearz. Da food suks n da boxes dey soggy n moldy. What I wuldn’t give fur a nice bowl o kibble or a nice cwisp folding box under me paws. Oooooooo da sweet smooth paper tween my teef as I break dem down. Still dreamin dat box dream ebery night…
Sigh. I miss bein me own man.
Spekin o da Man, me n Puss been gettin mighty close since I been in da pokey. She brings me tweats frum home an tells me stories ta pass da time. I tink she haz crush on ole Catnip so Iz rally flirty n super charmin wit her. I tells her she so purty n dat I wans to take her owt when I gets owt hier. She like dat lots so she start heppin me plan me escape!
Yep, I turnz da guard! I so sneeky.
Dis tailz continuez belo, afur yoo quit oosing plastic bags fur shoppin’
Jurnal Entry 8 – It be Juvvie fur yoo, Boy
It been another week r so. Dat damn bitch dog keep comin up w excuses to not be at ma A RAIN ment n da judge gettin agro. He start sayin dey needz to sendz me to da juvie hall cuz I iz a minor sumthin n haz no peeps (most cats R considered minors, cuz we R qt and tiny).
I tell dem I haz peeps, but dey meanz blood peeps. Dey right dere, I haz no blood peeps cuz I wuz street cat n me Momma – I don eben remember her. So nyway, dis meanz I haz to escape ASAP or I be sent down da river to da place were kittens get mean.
Da Plan is comin togeffur, finally. Puss promise me I be safe n cozy at home fore dey come fur me fur da juvvie tranzfur.
So here da plan: Ebery week da pokey braks down dere trash n trucks come ta hall it away. Da slimy n grimy goes to da dump, but dey also haz recyclin, n dat goes to a recycler.
Ya see? Az a recyclin enterprenur, I knoz all doz playas in da recyclin biz. Soz Puss got me on da trash work detail n I called dem recyclerz n conspir ta recycl Me!!
Oh, n surpriz surpriz, da trash iz also how da catnip comes into da pokey. I been smokin kind herb n breakin down boxes fur days. I loves it! So much cardboard, so wittle time….
Nyway, da plan iz dat when da trucks come tomorrow to pics up da trash n drop off da catnip contraband, I be dere ta hep dem load up n Puss will distract de oder guards while da truck driber (Purty Pete, a friend o mine I knowz frum ma biz) hep hidez me under da cardboard. Puss gonna give da guards da furst o da catnip blunts ta keep dem frum seein I gone til long affer da truck leave. She sured me she haz plan to not be blamed fur ma escape, so I not wurry. I rally start to like dis gurl fur reelz, so I don want anyfing bad fur Puss. I tink I may ask her owt fur reel when all dis done.
Jurnal Entry 10 – Da Long Goodbye (or I Got You, Puss)
Today iz da dey. All goes well, I be home in me own cat bed tonight!
I excited and maby a wittle sad. I rally make sum gud buddies here. Me n Frank got reel gud at playin checkers n Blue eben come around lately.
He see I in wit Puss so he like me now an turnz owt he really a kewl dude. We both into da same kinda Cosplay – playin like we oder animals n such. We spent one afternoon in da yard doin penguins wit white placemats round our necks n waddlin bak n forth. Eberbody loved it n laughed reel hard at us.
Made Blue grin so big, neber seen dat before! I tink I send him dis when I gets out.
Pakin me stuff n gettin ready to go. Me shift wit da trash start in 20 minutes n den I outta here! But first I gonna give Puss some daisies I found in da yard n ask her owt proper before I go…
Weeeee! She said yes, We goes ta dinner affer I gets owt, next Fursday! Ok, next entry will be frum home or bust!!
Did yoo kno, hooman? Yoo cud save $5 on sum stuff and/or get oder cat stuff fur free, like catijuana. Tailz continoos belo.
Jurnal Entry 11 – Home Agin Home Agin – Jiggity Jig
Guess what? It werked! I iz home sweet home n rollin n da clean cwisp cardboard n fresh crunchy kibbles. I eben got a ounce o da kindest catnip frum da contraband stash care o Purty n Puss. Eben better, since dis da kindest bud I eber seen, I ashk ta be put on da master delibery list. So I be gettin more kind catnip den Gawd purty soon. Maby I pass sum on to me customers, If I don use all meseff!!
Nyway, so glad to be home sweet home! Did I learn me lesson? Well, I neber smoke da herb owtside in public agin, I jus haz edibles nex time.
Or hire me a security guard. I hear Blue might get out in a few months if he makez parole he gonna need a gud job. I ashk Puss when we goes owt what she fink.
Nowz fur a long long sleep n me cat bed!