Catnip’s Jurnal 17
So Many Boxes, So Wittle Time – careful what u wish fur.
Affur a few hours ob crisis purring, compulsory grooming n LOTS o catnip I made meseff get bak ta bizness.
I got Isabella n Azeara ta hep wit da sortin. Dey scwambl up da mound n stawrt tossin me down da non-boxes. Dez we don recycl as dey tew small fur us to get inside. So I shove dem aside fur da hoomans ta open n discard.
Da sortin take all da furst day cuz it nawt eazy keepin me Sisfurs on twak w all da distwakshans. But at da end o da day we haz two piles – boxes ta recycle n non-boxes fur da hoomans.
Da mound o boxes iz still up ta da ceilin dow. I fink it take at weest a week ta go fru all dis, maby more. I wuv me boxes, but dis too many.
Kno what? Me box dweamz came twu, but turnz owt it wuz a nightmare!!!
Dis tailz continuez belo, afur dsignin’ da hooman kitten.
Catnip’s Jurnal 18
U Can Teach n Old Cat New Twickz – if u haz all monff.
Da nex day I gaver da siblinz n tell dem we haz lots n lots o work n we gotz ta stay on task. Ob corse da sisfurs stawt gossipin bout da Squirrell Saga wile I talk n I haz to shoosh dem free timez.
I set up stations fur each stage o da process n assign us each to a zone. I do da opening cuz I haz da sharpest clawz, Azeara iz supposed ta inspect da insidez n start modifyin dem, while Isabella iz meant ta do da smashin n stakin. Dis wurk reel gud fur about 30 secondz, den I see da flaw in me planz.
I had opened about 10 boxes, stackin da contents fur da hoomans, wen I notice dere alweady backup in da line. I chek in on Azeara n find she asweep in her third box. Den I see Isabella haz smash her furst box but got bored waitin fur Azeara n wen off ta gossip wit Mr Raven. I wakz Azeara n suggest she add in sum biting n scratchin ob da boxes ta stay awak. I also gib her some more catnip. Den I chase down Isabella owtside n lure her back in wit sum toona.
Tings got back to plan again fur about n hour n den I find Azeara asleep agin, n Isabella haz gone off hunting spiderz. I agin round da gurlz up n twy to stawt agin, but I onwy get anover hour r so n da pil iz not gettin smaller.
Dis plan iz flawed, I sez to meseff. I needz more reliable hep.
Catnip Jurnal 19
Uncle Catnip Wantz U – if u haz da skillz.
Da nex mornin I recwroot five new workerz. Sum o dem had dere own teamz dat got wight ta werk. Sum o dem only lasted a few hourz.
My first recwroot wuz one o da Squirrell familiez, but dey jus spent de entire interview kvetchin’ n fightin’ wit each oder. Dey cud nawt decide who shud do wat n I had ta leab dem on da stairz like dat, still chittering.
Den I went round to da Stray Cat Garden n brought back sum cat day werkerz. But dey all in such bad shape dat I ended up jus donatin sum da empty boxes ta dere colony cuz dey peed all ober dem n were more interested in usen dem fur dere homez. U really can’t blame dem do, right?
Affur da homeless kittehs, I twied an army o spiderz dat live in da house. Dey were actually pretty enthusiastic, spinnin dere webz n comin up wit ingeniouz ways ta modify da boxes wit featz of web-gineerin dat shud ob been in sum record book. But dere wuz one very bad problem: Isabella found dem emtirely tew tasty. Affur dey had werked fur haff da day, dey suddenly had dwindled in numberz n da head Spidur came ta me all upset n sez dey quit on account of bein eaten en masse n fearin fur dere lives. I had ta let dem go.
I did find sum gud recwrootz, but I had hard time usin dem right.
Da tiny dog nex door – Wuzzy – jump right in n went thru so many boxes I had ta slow him down before he gib us all hart attaks. He wike sum energizer bunny n a tiny white dog suit wizzin bak n fort. But he start makin a mess soz I send him home n tole him ta cum back affur he haz hiz meds.
My best recruitz were prolly da Raven famly. Papa Raven, Mama Raven n Baby Raven. Besidz dere odd procedurz dey were gud solid werkerz. Dey each took a station n start flyin fru da boxes – opening w dere clawz n beekz, inspectin n modifyin wit custom holz n scwatchez, n den flyin da box way up n droppin it ta smash on da grownd.. Unfortunately dey also wike ta shred da boxes n stealz dem fur dere nest. I tink dat why dey get fru so many.
Anywayz, at end o day I had a mess, n da box mound wuz only slightly smaller. I needz new plan, n I at woss.
@catsrgreen Jordan reporting for recycle the box duty.
I help recycle the box by biting and pulling off small pieces.
I see it as a way to put extra cushion on my snooze bin in the cat tree.
Silly owner throws the pieces away. pic.twitter.com/d1UH22eLjO
— Carla R. (@1Tough_Sheltie) June 20, 2019
Catnip’s Jurnal 20
Zombie Kittehs Unite – I haz nightmare.
Afur a day o recrwootin n trwainin I lay down fur me night time nap. I wuz exhausted n fwustrated wit eberyting. N da mound o boxes wuz menacin me. I took sweep pillz n pass owt.
Den da wierd soundz stawt wike sirenz made o drunk kittenz: Mrwooooooowwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuh! Mrwooooooooowwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuh!! Mrwoooooooooooowwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!!!
Owt da dark dere cumz a band o kittehz wit glowin eyez walkin wike hoomanz. Dey stretch owt dere fore legs n keep makin dat siren soundz az dey cum fur me. Dey droolin wike dey haz rabiez n dey start pawin at me head. One ob dem sez ” Da Branz, Da Branz, dez da branz, n den dey bury me under dem az dey fight wike cwazy fur da furs scoop o me branz.
I screem n twy ta stwuggle free, but dey haz me pinned n sumone iz tryin ta open me skull wike it a box!!!
I wake up wit a headache panting wike cwazy. Da Zombie Kittehz iz gone.
Catnip’s Jurnal 21
When All Else Failz – ask a furiend.
I callz up Puss n tellz her bout me horrible day wit recwootz n da Zombie kittehz. She wisten n nawt judge me fur me failinz.
Den she tellz me she haz plan dat werk fur me boxes. It all about discipline she sez, n hazin a gud leader wit decent motivation fur da werkerz. I dunno wat she menz, but I wike it wen she take charge so I begz her ta hep me.
She warnz we still gawt ta be carefur n meet incognito. Also, we needz Blue ta hep ta kep da werkerz in line, She sez he be owt in a few dayz. Soz we get togeffur in r secwet place (I can not tellz u were) wen he getz owt n planz it rite.
Meantime, she advis we jus tak brak n leave da boxes til she dere.
I nervous afur we talk soz I get stawted on me groomin, cleanin meseff frum headz tew toez twice ober. Den I wook thru me costumez n pick me Liom mane fur r incognito meet up. I wook hawt!
Den I collapse in me bed n goz bak ta sweep – me headache iz alweady gonez. N I dweam ob playin cosplay wit Puss n Blue n a field full o catnip.