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Homecomin’: I iz out of da Pokie!

Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 12

It 3am, Do u Kno Where Ur Cat Iz ????

Woke at 3am ta me Sisfur Azeara sniffin me all ober. She old (15 years!) so she got stinky breaff, but I so tired I don eben fight her wen she start groomin me face n head. It was kinda nice rally. Don tell anyone I sez dat do – or I claimz Fake Mewz!

When she got down ta me tickl spot (I nawt tellin eben u dat very top secret info!!) it made me shreek n den she stop groomin me. Azeara tell me dey all ben so so worried abut me wen I gone. Den she scold me like a wee week ole kitten bout scarin da hoomanz. Dey wuz parently a wreck. Den she pat me on da head wit her paw n purr me bak ta sleep.

Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 13

Dream a Wittle Dream of Puss n Nip

I haz a rally gud dream. Me n Puss wuz sittin in a wittle box inside a huge box n we wuz playin a game balancin boxes. Of course I wuz winnin. It wuz so fun and I wuz sooo happy. She sez “I her Nip,” den Blue crash into us an I wokez up wit a jolt. Den I miss Puss n Blue n da gang.

I text Puss I iz home n I miss her trilling me awake in da mornin. She text back she miss me tew!! Den she text I gotta lay low n not call r text fur a bit til da heat on me escape die down. So I iz a fugitiv n cant leave da home frunt fur at lest a week r talk ta me boo. Poop! I be mad abut dat if she hadn’t promis ta set tings right asap so wez can go owt on our date night!

Still earwy, I go back ta sleep – I so tired I cud sleep a monff.

Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 14

Home iz Where da Heart iz – also snuggles n rubs

When I finally left me cat bed round mid sun I wuz greeted by me hooman servants like I wuz sum long lost King come to let dem please me. I did not object.

Dey gave me kisses n squeezed me n nattered on like dey do bout how dey so worried. Dey so sad when I gone n I must neber run oft agin. I twied to cowect dem bout where I wuz, but dey not listen. I nawt mind so much cuz dey give me all ober rubs n I fell into a purr stupor. Den dey arm lifted me to da Big Bed n we all piled in n haz a snuggle nap.

Later afur da nap I got speshal tweats n me favorit kibble. Mama eben gave me a reel sardeen to kill n devour. It wuz yummy. I iz in Heaben…. wait what iz dat anyway? I dunno actually but sum hoomans say it da best place n da Ooniverse n dat iz def were I at.

Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 15

Dere iz a Ting as Tew Much Catnip – Hoo Mew

Found owt frum da Sisfurs dat dey had no idea where I wuz all dez weeks. Dey neber got dem messages cuz dey furgot howz to charge dere fonez wit me nawt here! Nawt dat I surprised. But what rally piss me off iz dat I tole Petey ta come by n check on dem.

I callz him up n cussed him owt. He sez he furgot. Prolly cuz he use too much dat super catnip frum da pokey. But he reel sorry n he gonna mak it up ta me by bringin by a salmon he snatch frum da fish merkat cart dis mornin durin his scrap roundz. I tellz him he give me a bigger cut o da catnip contraband scheme n den we eben. I iz gonna be rich!

Den I takes nap in da sun spot n da Sisfurs came n book end me like we sum sandwitch. It funny but dey both reeked of catnip so I ask if dey find me stash while I gone. Both laffed n sez what stash like dey innocent. But I checked n me stash iz gone so I mak dem tell twuth by holding onto deyr hooman nip.

via GIPHY

 

Turnz owt eberyone so upset when I gone dat da hoomans raid me stash ta keep da gurls frum freakin. Dey ben hopped up on catnip fur weks. Dey so hung ober eben me contraband catnip jus made dem shrug.

Kno wat dat meanz do, right? Da hole time I gone dere was NO RECYCLIN in me recyclin plant. Not one box! No one did dere jobz!

I try nawt to haz panic attack.

(story continues below)

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Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 16

Perfection iz da Enemy ob Greatness – unless u iz a Cat

I practiz seff-calm wit me rootines.

I go ta me Curlin Bed n demand da hoomanz “Tuck” me into me bed and made dem do extra long rubs. Den I jumped owt da bed n demanded it agin n agin. I dint let dem off da hook eben when dey complain. Dis made me happy fur a bit.

Den I went on me roundz owtside. Cheked de mailz on da owtside post: Da garden catz be goin cwazy wile I away – Someone had kittens – Five – Mr. Raven brought hiz new chick ta visit. – A dog (!!) cased da joint n left hiz scent – yuck!

I had ta stop and groom meself all ober ta get da doggy smell off my coat. Didn’t stop til me coat wuz perfect agin.

Den I sniff da stairs one step at a time carefur nawt ta miss a ting, but da Squirrels chittering above kep breakin me focus. I Rrrrrowl at dem, dey scatter. Momentary Joy.

Back in da house I chek n re-mark all me spots: Owter Door (check), Plants 1 – 6 (check), Doormat (check), Entrance (check), Sun Spot (check), Box box (check), Curlin Bed (check), Chair (check), Wittle Bed (check), Big Bed (check), Me Bowl (check), Cat Tree Spot (check).

I enter da Recyclin Plant. Ready or not, here goez…

Werk Area (check). Eberyting looks ok so far. Office door (check). Maybe its nawt so bad. Recyclin Inbox – Oh Gawd it waaaay worse den I thought!!!

Da unopened boxes, dey staked so high I fraid dey fall on me. I get da dizzies n collapz on da floor. I alweady crisis purrin lik cwazy.

Hooman,

Subscribe fur moh recyclin’ adventurz.

 

 

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