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Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Nativ

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Note frum Azeara:
Mama sez I shud shar mor poo infoz cuz hoomanz fink poo funy. I finkz dat crazy but Mama she gibz da foodz an scoopz da poo so I sez ok fur meow. Yoo tellz me wat u fink. Too Poo R Nawt Too Poo?

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 12

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Under da Bed

I hates da Mama rite meow! An Gramma an Daddy tew! Dey iz so mean n triksy. How DARE dey triks me wif a “car trip” n den deliber mez to da Stikin Man. Nasty dirty hoomanz. I shud neber trust dem agin. Neber!

Mah neck still hurtz were da Stikin Man stikd me gud n stole mah bluds. I twy lik da spot but it nawt eazy ta reech. Wat he wan mah bludz fur? Iz he decidin if I R tasty enuf? Iz he gonna eet mez?! Oh no! Dis mak me shudder n feel sik soz I rev up da purr enjin n twy nawt ta fink tew mutch but dat rilly hard wen I sooooo angry.

I iz squeezd under da big floofy bed in a corner by da wall n da wurld feel wike a bery scary nasty plac rite meow. Mah tummy rumblin n mah hart fluttrin tew mutch. I cloz mah eyez n fink bout home n all mah nice cozy spots dat I wish I wuz in rite meow. I wan go home! Mrrrooooowwwww! Ooops, I sed dat owt lowd n Mama hurd me.

Da International Cat ob Mystery sulks under da bed affur bein trikd into goin to da vet

 

Mama hed popd under da bed. I twy mak mahseff tinier but I alreedy bery tiny. “Yoo ok, sweety?” I stard at Mama wif n R u kiddin me face. No. I ben stukd n trikd n I don wike yoo rite meow. Go away. But Mama now on da floor reechin fur me n I haz no were ta go.

Den I gets hed scrtach n bak strok frum Mama. It feeld tew gud. Darnit! Den wif owt askin r nuffin Mama pulld me out frum under da bed n plopd me bak on top! Hoo yoo fink yoo R Lady??!!!! I mak angry sondz but Mama bringd oot da brush n rubd it under mah chin. No! I will nawt be won ober! Nnnnnnn….. oooooooOO, dat soooooooo guuuuuuuud!

Sigh. Mama so cleber, I neber stood a chans az I wuz soon bak on da bed n fast asleep dreemin ob Stikin Man n Mama petz.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – meh   Texchur – ick  Pain Rating – 5  Notez : diarrhea n tummy burblz

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 13

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez to da Dogz

Dat Mama, she tew cleber. I wan treet wen I wake frum mah nap, soz Mama getzs me sum dried venison bitz. But first she sez I haz ta tak mah new medisinz. I complan but Mama no care n I haz tak it. It wuz gros – icky tastin n gooey, but I swallowd it down. N den I getz treet. It yummy, but I nawt sur it wuz az yummy az da meds wuz icky. Soz I ask fur anoder treet n akt qt. N it wurkd! I so qt, I gotz extra treetz.

I feeld gud meow, so gud I wan go owt. Mama remindz me dat da dogz R owtside, but I don care. I iz reedy fur dem.

Mama putz on mah harness n we go owtside to da garden agin. It bery sunny day wif a wee breez dat feel so gud. I smell flowerz n fingz I neber seen b4. I enjoy windin in n owt ob da garden plantz n sniffin evrything. I den hier da dogz comin frum da oder side ob da haus n I quikly jump up to safety on da garden tabl.

Frum dere I observ da dogz n eben say “Hola Perros!” put dey cant get at me if I don wan.

Furst to appeer iz da big dog, Picasso, n he stiks hiz big wet nose at me ta say hi. I stayz bak dow, cuz I member wen he chasd mez won tiem n it wuz NAWT fun. Picasso start makin whinin sondz. Mama sez he sad cuz I nawt greet him proper n he rilly like cats. I fink maby he like ta eet us. I stay rite hier, Mama.

Den da wee dogz appeer. Three ob dem. Diego, da Jak Russel mix, comz ta da tabl n starts jumpin up n don like a bownsy ball twyin ta see me. He wook rilly silly wif hiz floppy earz flyin. Den Blak Izbella, a medium sizd blak mutt, calmly wakz ober n gibz me eye luv. Dis surpriz me so mutch I find maseff movin towardz her n b4 I can stop wez tuchin noses lik we buddiez. Dat surpriz us boff n we sit down n star fur a while. Da spell nawt brak until teeny tiny Zorro start barkin hiz wee bark az he bowns up n don jus wike Diego.

Dis go on fur a bit n den Picasso gibs up n goez ober tew a pile ob blankets ta lay down. Da oder dogs follow n soon dere iz a big dog pile snorin in da sun. I getz comfy on mah table n tak nap tew. I iz Queen ob da Garden, I fink az I drift off, yes I am!

Da Iternational Cat ob Mystery hangs wif dog buddy Blak Izabella on a sunny day in Mexico

 

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – meh   Texchur – meh  Pain Rating – 3  Notez : improvin, tummy calmd down

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 14

Da International Cat ob Mystery Vizits da Ded

 

Today I went owt into MexiLand ta vizit ded peeplz. Dat wat Mama sed. I didnt kno wat ded peepl wuz but I hopd dey kewl. I also hopd dat wen Mama sed we goin on “car trip” dat it wuz nawt anoder trik. It wuz nawt. I soooo releevd!

We went ta mew place were dere lots of shorn grasses dat I cud roll in. Der wuz also a garden ob funny roks dat I wakd in. N we met ded peepl. At leest dat wat Mama tole me, dat dey ded. I don kno bout dat. I fink maby dey jus peepl wif funny colorz on dere face, but I dont let on dat I kno dis cuz da hoomanz, dey happy n I don wanna mess dat up.

So I pranced thru da Land O da Ded n sniffd all da ded peeplz (dat how I kno dey jus peepl) n took pics ob dem n dere ded peepl shrinez. Mama, Daddy n Gramma tawk ta da ded peepl n ask dem bout fingz dat I did nawt care bout. So I wander n find sum spiders in a dusty corner. Dey tell me dat da ded peepl com ebery year. R dat wat da Ancient Won (Grat Grandaddy Spider) sed  long long ago. I wonder wy.

Affur da spiderz I walkd into won doez shrinez n sniffd all da offerinz. Den I sniffd n sneezd all ober da sand art dat wuz on da floor n sum went flyin. Dis almost cawz a scene but Mama got me outta dere fast b4 anyone see.

In da car bak ta Grammaz, I musta lookd sad, cuz Mama tole me it ok, don feel bad about da sand art. So ob curs I confuzed. All dis ded stuff iz confuzin aktully. Furst: dey nawt ded, n wy yoo mak party n pretend ta be ded b4 yoo iz ded? Mak no sens, but den Hoomans don yoozshally mak mutch sens do dey?

Da International Cat ob Mystery visits da Ded on da Day ob da Ded (Catoween) in Mexico

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – ok  Pain Rating – 1  Notez : feel gud

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 15

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Nativ

I nawt rite fur few days meow, wuz tew busy bein dogd n catted. Fingz iz gud hier n I feelz lots bettah. Mama sez it cuz da medisinz, I fink it cuz I meow feel at hom. Last nite I hungd owt wif da Mexi-cats n we had fun gossipin bout da dogs n how silly dey R. Cept fur Blak Izbella, she kewl. I fink it cuz she da only won dat don bark all da tiem. Wy dogs do dat I neber kno.

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It funny but affur a few dayz I stop hazin hard tiem wif da Mexi-pets wurdz n dey jus mak sens meow. Freya iz da best ob da cats, R at leest da best ta me. She alwayz happy n eazy. She tole me bout her hard lif b4 Gramma tuk her off da street. She yoosd ta be hungry n skard all da tiem, n cold n wet lots. Meow she haz eberyfing she cud eber want. Da foodz iz always dere (dat wy I ate da bad foodz cuz it jus out all da tiem) n Gramma alwayz pet her n da dogs eben protect her wen dey yoosd ta bark at her. She haz it gud. Onwy sumtiems she get sad wen she fink ob her sisfur dat wuz tew skard tew be cawt by Gramma, n her kittenz dat da hoomanz took away “to gud homz.” But onwy sumtiemz, mostly she da happiest cat I eber seen.

Freya – da kewlest ob da Mexi-cats iz da happiest kitteh eber.

 

I fink I wike it hier in Mexico. I wike da Mexi-cats n da Mexi-dogs R ok tew. Grammaz haus iz pawesum wif itz hidin spotz fur hidin n da garden fur sunnin. I wike gettin ta lay in da sun so mutch. We can not da dat at hom cuz dere R cars were da sun goez n we onwy get sun spots fur short tiem. N in Mexico I haz mah bery own Cat Tower n bery own floofy bed dat I shar wif Mama n Daddy. Yoo kno wat, I don wanna go hom no more. Maby we neber will. I miss Izbella n Terri a wee bit, but I get ober it if wez haz ta stay hier furevah.

I fink I let Mama kno dis by makin a grand poo n da center ob R room ta claim it az MINE FUREVAH! I iz da International Cat ob Mystery n I iz brav n strong.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – gud  Pain Rating – 0  Notez : feel gud

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 16

Da International Cat ob Mystery Haz a Bad Day

Today startd owt alrite. Da sun wuz shinin n da Mexi-pets wuz happy. I had mah medisinz n dey wuz ok n den mah foodz witch wuz gud. We had a garden wak n I slept in da sun on da tower.

Mama did nawt howeber, tak my Poo-declarashun bery well. I don fink she understan wat it ment. Dere wuz shoutin n Mama sez WY YOO DO DIS!!? N I twy tell her how I wanna stay n be a Mexi-cat, but Mama jus kep growlin n tak mah poo away n flush it. But den Mama get ober it, n we goez owt n be in da garden agin.

Affur wakin fur a bit I wuz layin in da sun, mindin mah own cat bizness wen I furst herd it. “Wen do yoo want ta go hom?”

It wuz Mama askin Daddy n I hopd Daddy wud say NEBER, but he did nawt. He sed TOMORROW. N den I feel sik n haz ta run inside n get under da bed.

I fink: I don wanna go hom! No I wan stay hier wif my Mexi-fam. I wan kep mah tower n mah garden n mah floofy bed. Maby if I find a rilly gud hidin spot dey wont go, or maby dey leev wifowt mez… Dat thot upset me so mutch – bein left wifowt Mama n Daddy – dat I deside I don wanna hid cuz bein left iz wurs den leevin. So I climb to top ob mah tower n try wook extra sad.

It nawt wurk. Mama cam n gab kisses n pets n so did Daddy, but den dey tell Gramma dat we prolly leeb TOMORROW. Mah hart droppd ta mah belly n now I rilly wuz sad.

I went ta hang wif da Mexi-cats n tole dem da mewz. Den wez all sad n don gossip no mor. I wen ta bed wif a nawt in mah tummy n an empty spot in mah hart. It wuz a bery bad day.

Mama, I lik it rite hier I wan stay in Mexico n be a Mexi-cat tew!

 

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – meh   Texchur – meh  Pain Rating – 7  Notez : I don wan go hom!!!

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Tune in nex tiem ta find owt if da International Cat ob Mystery gets her wish or if her luvin hart mus be broken.

 

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Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez ta Mexico

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Note frum Azeara:
Mama sez I shud shar mor poo infoz cuz hoomanz fink poo funy. I finkz Mama crazy but she givz da foodz an scoopz da poo so I sez ok fur meow. Yoo tellz me wat u fink. Too Poo R Nawt Too Poo?

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 5.5

Poodendum: Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez Poo

Sumtiem b4 da border, I wentz poo in da ridin littr box. It wuz wike ridin a poo bull n I wuz pootacular. I kno dis cuz da hoomanz mad big fuss den. Mama sez gud gurl n Dada goez ahhhhhhh! He get so excitd he nawt stop til Mama poot da poo n speshul evidens bag fur preservin.

Den I be friskey n haz ta chek da bak windowz fur vizability agin. Twice. I so prowd n floofy.

Chekin da bak windowz fur visibility… chek!

 

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – gud   Texchur – gud  Pain Rating – 1  Notez : went in car. it wuz glorius

 

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Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 6

Da International Cat ob Mystery Crosez Da Border

Da car slo down n I wok frum nap. It dark meow n I woozy. Ob cors dis menz I stan up ta wook outside. But Mama sez NO. So I try riggl way but Mama sez NO n put me in ridin box agin. I knoz we at bordr den cuz we play dis b4. Mama nawt let me see da Mexico Bordr. I don kno wy. I awayz try ta see, but Mama awayz kep me down. She sez dey mak car stop if dey see Da International Cat ob Mystery. I don kno wy dis so bad, I wike greetin mah fanz n subjecks, but Mama sez we late fur Grammaz n haz no tiem. We awayz late fur Grammaz!

Silly hoomanz!

I givz up n jus curl in Mama lap til Mama relax. Den, soon az she doez, I jumpz up agin. Sucess! I seez outside! Der r flashin litez n carz n carz ahed movin wike a snak pas standin hoomanz in hatz. Den Mama skwish me down agin til da litez go way.

Weez in Mexico meow!

Stanin agin, I wook hard but it soooooo blak evrywer I see nuthin but da road ahed. Der R no refugeez attakin R Mexicanz playin banjoez, jus long dark road inta da blak. I getz bord. Tiem fur nex nap! Can I chooz da Sandman song, Mama?

Can play Sandman song, Mama?

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 7

Da International Cat ob Mystery Goez ta Grammaz Haus

Der wuz a rest stop we stopd at but Mama sez it durty n soz I yooz da ridin littr box agin n Mama scoopd. Dada bravd da durty hooman littrz but Mama nawt – cuz she part-camal. Hoomanz haz car snaks frum masheen. I jus gotz kibbl. I don wan kibbl n complan but dey jus pet me hed n pootz it way.

Off we goez agin. We pas stranj wee hausez all lit up on road wer Dada gibz “monopoly money” ta da Manz soz we kep drivin. Der wuz many Manz along da way ta Grammaz haus, but we got der ventually.

Wen we get ta Grammaz haus n stop I excitd! Let me out, Mama! I wan run ta da big bed NOW! Cors da hoomanz on da flashy screen fing now n I haz ta wait. I hate da waitin! Gramma, I herez now! Wer R u at!?

Den da wall mak noiz n disappear n dere Gramma in her fuzzy robe!! I frantic meow. MUST GET OUT!! Mama lif me ta Grammaz armz n I getz Gramma kissez n snugglz. Gramma smellz ob dawgz n catz n tasty meatz. Itz gloryus. Den Gramma givz me bak ta Mama n we goez inside.

I wee bit nervus cuz I knoz dere dawgz afoot, but den da sweet smellz ob Grammaz haus mak me fink ob oder fingz n b4 I knoz it I swoopin down n scamprin don da hall til I find R room. I put mah paw on da door n push. Der da BIG BED all wite n redy fur me ta muss! Bounce, bounce, boing. I land n da middl ob da biggest floofyest bed evah!

 

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 8

Da International Cat ob Mystery Getz Comfy in Azeara-stan

Dis Azeara-stan wif me tower n da floofiest bed in da wurld!

 

I haz da bes sleep evah! Mama poot a nice sponjy pillow tween Mama n Dada n I curld in deep wile dey bring da suitcasez n mah fingz. Den wile I sleep dey mak Azeara-stan: Da Hom away frum Hom fur Da International Cat ob Mystery! Woo dat? Dat Me! I haz gon International.

Da burdz sing funny songz here n da catz n dawgz tawk stranj soz I don alwayz understan, but Azeara-stan iz brite n shiny n I haz me OWN tower! Da furst fing I doez iz inspect da tower fur bugz cuz yoo neber can tell bout a plac wif out chekin in wif da bugz I awayz fink. De bugz R mysteryusly missin. I suspec da dawgz R messin wif me. I shall survey mah territory fur oder snafuz.

Da tower, oder den lak ob bugz, iz gud. Gud n furry, soz I roll n da furz ob mez cuzzinz. Dis shud mak it eazy ta slip in wif out dem knowin I iz furrin. I fink. Mmmm. I quality chek littr box n food-n-watr bowlz  – all b4 Mama wakz in case needz adjustment – but all gud. Den I chek da closetz fur hidden toyz n underbed fur hidin spotz. Dere R many hidin spotz. I pik one n take nap fur rest ob da mornin.

I dream da bugz R restless n dey wan walkiez. Den da bugz R barkin wike dawgz n I skedadld inta da wildz ob Mexico. It wuz sandy.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – 🐾🐾🐾  Texchur – 🐾🐾🐾  Pain Rating – 1  Notez : I haz nawt gone here yet

 

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Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 9

Da International Cat ob Mystery Venturz Out

Mama gotz me bak in mah harness n we goez fur walk in da Garden. It nawt fur, jus outside. Dere lotz ob brikz n plantz n treez n I haz ta sniff dem all. Da messages I nawt all understan cuz dey in Mexi-cat n Mexi-dawg but I get sum. Dere iz a sqirl gang rulz deez partz wen da dawgz inside. I see sum chitterin buv me. Dey nawt wike hom squirlz n I don kno dem R wat dey sez. Soz I twy nawt look.

I kinda wish da dawgz wuz out here meow, but I nawt redy yet fur dawg tiem. I can see dem fru da glass door already. Dey iz watchin mez wif dere shiny eyez n big teef n dere tailz iz goin thump thump thump on da wall. I nawt dat intimidated. Nawt reely. Ok maby a wittle bit. Las tiem da big one chas me wike he wan eetz me n I nawt shur Mama rite dat he wuz “jus playin.”

Mama lifs me to da table in da sun n I takz a sun baff, splayin me wite undercarrage ta da cat gawdz, n zon out. Perfecshun.

Da hoomanz bring da yummy foodz n roodly eetz dem but nawt shar. Wat Evah!

Hey dis me Sun Spot, wat u bringin foodz dat I nawt eat fur? Ruuuuuude!

 

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 10

Da International Cat ob Mystery Getz Brav

It dark agin n da dawgz iz poot way in Grammaz room. Dada alreedy in bed, but me n Mama R still up n bizzy.

I fink it tiem. I feel brav n strong. I meow fur Mama ta open da door ta da res ob haus. Mama sez yoo shur? Meow! We goez out ta meet da Mexi-cat cuzzins.

Dere R 4 ob dem: Gato Chico, Nemisis, Freya (IzaSouth), and Gato Grande. Dat wat Dada call dem, Gramma haz oder namz fur dem but I only member Dadaz. Gato Chico iz a bigpolydactal tabby wif crossd eyz dat can be scary if he wan but he reely bery sweet. Nemisis iz Izbella’s ole nemesis Sisfur frum b4 Izbella became mah Sisfur, and she a wee lightnin fast tabby. She haz n allians wif Chico. Freya iz da mew kitteh, but she alreedy da Alpha-cat. Dat cuz she a smart n mean calico frum da Mexi-streetz dat rulz wif n iron claw. Gato Grande iz a big Main Coon wif big floofy furz n huuuuge eyez n he da sweetest big boy u evah meet.

Chico (behind pillowz) spyz on Freya, da mew Alpha in Grammaz haus.

 

Gato Chico iz da furst ta greet me. We kiss nozes n he natterz on in Mexi-cat fur a minute. Den Nemisis n Freya appear frum da dark wif big round eyez. I get startld, but den I member I iz brav n strong n I come out frum Mamaz legz. Da Mexi-cat gurlz sniff me all ober wile Chico watch. I wonder wat dey lookin fur, but den dey don n R natterin in dey Mexi-cat agin.

Dey offer me sum ob dere kibblz dat iz in a despenser n I rush ober ta gorge b4 Mama can stop me. I get maby 2 mowthfulz – skor! Den Mama pik me up n sez I com see Gato Grande cuz he sik n mite nawt be here nex tiem. Dis mak me skard, but I go anyway.

Gato Grande iz me bes bud at Grammaz n we yooz ta hang togever. He yooz ta liv in da USA soz I understan him bettah. But meow he stuk on a flowry pillow in a dark room n he look so sik. I gib him eye luv n he gibz it bak. I goez ta gib him noz kiss but Mama sez NO he contajus. Dis mak me bery bery sad. So we sitz n I gibz mor eye luvz til I sleepy.

Den we go bak ta da big bed n I curl tween Mama n Dada til mornin.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – 🐾🐾🐾  Texchur – bleh  Pain Rating – 2  Notez : it cam out. It wuz gooey.

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 11

Da International Cat ob Mystery Getz Trikd

Were we goin? I fink dis look familiar…

 

I gotz me harness on agin n Mama sez we go on car ride. But we tak Grammaz car dis tiem. It yooz be Dada car, so I knoz it well. Soon az we getz in I take me pawzishun at da window. It sunny n Dada haz da windows open at top soz I can smellz da Mexico smellz. Dere iz da smell ob carz n Mexi-foodz n stray dawgz n catz n native hoomanz dat speek dada’s secwet language (i knoz it). It smell gud, but mak me sneez.

 

I wundr were we goin? I fink dese streetz wook wike… I fink I been here b4. Oooooo Nooooo! I kno were we goin. Nasty mean triksy hoomanz! Yoo iz ebil!!

 

I haz been trikd. We goin ta da plac dat smeelz wike fear n da man stikz me wif sharp fingz n holdz me wong. Rrrroooooorwww!!! No, Mama, dis nawt fare! We at da VETS!!!

I try hide n mak sad noizes but Mama don care. Dada gib me hed pats but it don help. We goin in. Nuffin I can do. Madness!! I been trikd hard! Mama n Dada – I will mak yoo regret dis. Yoo jus wait til…. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Iz da stikin man! Ahhhhhh!!!!

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – 🐾🐾🐾  Texchur – 🐾🐾🐾  Pain Rating – 3  Notez: tummy hurtz, iz gurglin

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Until nex tiem: Will Azeara surviv da Vetz? Will da dawgz get dere day? Will Revenge be sweet? Find out in da nex installment ob Da International Cat ob Mystery…

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Da International Cat ob Mystery Rides Agin

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Note frum Azeara:
Since Babeh Bro Catnip haz shard hiz Jurnal, den I shar mah Diarrhe I start long ago ta log mah poo infoz wif Mama. I gib u bes bitz, nawt awayz in order, cuz I iz mysteryus, n def nawt all da poo infoz R supah private bitz cuz I nawt n exhibishunist wike Babeh Brofur.

 

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 1

Da International Cat ob Mystery Getz a Call

I gotz call frum Hooman Gramma, inviting me over to her new place in Mexico! I will order me staff to take me to see me Grammaz Haus!

 

Gramma calld today frum Mexico. I wuz not waitin. Reelly I wuz not. She sed dat she miss me n Daddy n Mama (but mostly me) n we shud visit. Sooooooon! I excited, I feel furisky n free. I not tell de oderz yet cuz dey awayz freak but it hard not to tear round da haus n poof me tail; r smak Izbella n da butt wen I runz by…

Nooooo! Bad Kitteh!

I haz 2 kep quiet. I mus play it kewl – wike noffin be happnen. (( til da suitcasez com owt!!)) Dis bery hard so I rev up da purr engine n stick ta Mama wike glu. I get soooo snugly wif Mama dat I eben  gib her leg runnin snuglz wen she walks round, Daddy tew. I so Happy I not eben haz me tummy pain!

I haz count catz ta get ta sleep I so excitd.

POO INFO:  Date -🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – ok  Texchur – ok  Pain Rating – 0  Notez : I haz no pain cuz I so happy

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 2

Da International Cat ob Mystery Getz Packin

I twy mah best nawt ta let on dat I iz excitd ta leev da oderz cuz dey be pissd if dey mew…

 

Today bizzy n stressfur but I still feelz hi wike I on catnip (haznt had nun). Dis not so gud. I haz ta be kewl! Da suitcasez cam out today – dayz early – n da oder catz r freakin jus wike I mew dey wud. Izbella iz suspishush dat I wuz IN ON IT. She ready ta splode!

I go play dum, try wook sad n innosent fur her benfit but I don fink I sellz it. Soz I “hep” Izbella n Catnip “inspect” doz suitcasez. “Wot cud dey be fur?” I sez wit skwinty eyez. Terri doz not hep, he knoz da skor n he depresd . I groom hiz hed cuz wot else I do?

Mama so bizzy she buzzin wike she a bumbal bee. Daddy growly. He sez we fall behind schedule (dis always happenz) n dere may hav been growlin! But turnz owt Mama wuz right. (( She awayz iz. Don tell Daddy!)) Ob curs jus wen da Mama mak her MOST IMPRESIV POINT dat wen Izbella start makin da noiz wif too many Rzzz. She ak wike she got Mama bak or she savin Daddy frum humiliashun, but reelly she summonz da hoomanz jus ta soothe her. She sooo spoilt! OMG, dey fall fur it agin n agin!!!

Ob curs Catnip try mak mor noiz wif bigger Rzzzzz but he still tew tiny n jus maks wittl rzzzzz. I leev fur I fall don laffin. Who me kiddin? Weeee!!!!

I start pikin out me toyz n sundryz n den dropz dem in da suitcasez. Mama sez I gud gurl. Duh. I already knoz dis. I avoid da oderz fur rest ob day.

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – 🐾🐾🐾  Texchur – 🐾🐾🐾  Pain Rating – 🐾  Notez : 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 3

Da International Cat ob Mystery Meetz da Cat Sitter

Jus wen fingz cudnt get crazyer we getz visit frum da cat sitter. Cat Lady Gee iz nice ole lady who wikez catz so mutch dat she doz it alwayz. She smellz wike hundredz ob catz n lotz o dogz too. Also treez!

We sniffd her all ober startin at da door n follow her ebery step. Eben Terri wakz up ta greet her. Da Cat Lady gibz us all petz n rubz n secret treetz dat Mama don see. (Shhh! Don tell!) Wez happy dat she be da staff subz fur Mama n Daddy. Gud staff iz soooo hard ta find.

Affurwardz we getz catnip treetz az reward fur bein so gud  Catnip, dat ratfink, he stealz me treetz cuz “I do not deserv it,” but I jus stealz hiz treetz right bak! Kittenz!!! Cant wat til I get outta dis haus!! Fank da Cat Gobz we leev tomorrow at sunset!

Nyway I approovd ob da Cat Sitter n I hop dis mak de oderz feel better bout fingz. I fink dey already doz cuz she mak Izbella n Terri so relaxd n eben Catnip listenz wen she tawkz. He neber listenz!

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – 🐾🐾🐾  Texchur – 🐾🐾🐾  Pain Rating – 🐾  Notez : 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 4

Da International Cat ob Mystery Sez So Long, Not Sorry

Almost tiem! We leev tonight!

I gotz me harness on n I knoz I look hawt wif da blu bringin out me blu eyez, but I only strut a teeny bit. It hard ta leev da oderz, but I so excited! I wan ta brag n stik out me tongue, but I dont.  Izbella be angry n bitey skwatchy so I jus gib her eye luv skwintz. I hed butz da boyz n tell dem ta be gud n not let Izbella bully dem too mutch. Izbella hear dat n gib me da look ob death, but I jus skwint n show me floofy tail.

Den b 4 I knoz it Daddy taks me food-n-water bowlz n littrz down to da car. It tiem ta go!

De oderz try ta look qt one last tiem, but da Hoomanz try not ta see. Mama gibz dem kisses n den scoopz me up in her armz. We leev down da starz n go outside. Izbella n da Boyz callz affur us n dey soundz so furlorn it mak Mama cry. I anser der pleaz wif me sad Rooooooooowwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrz…..!! I do dis til we getz to da car n I no longer hear dem.

Truff?? Ok, I not sorry dat dey stay n I go. Nope. Dat akshully da bes part!!

POO INFO:  Date – 🐾🐾🐾🐾  Color – n/a  Texchur – n/a  Pain Rating – n/a  Notez: I did not go

Azeara Diarrhe  no. 2001 – 5

Da International Cat ob Mystery Ridez Agin

In da car ridin into da sunset, I iz bak in da saddle agin. We don dis leest a dozen tiemz, but it neber getz old.

In da bak wif all mah stuff – me pillow, me mouse, me kibblz, me bwanket, eben me littr – I in me ridin box. Mama sez I gon stay dere, but we both kno I neber do. Only at beginnin az we leev Da Territory. Cuz maaaaby I get wittl nervus n hi pitchd. N maby Mama haz ta reech bak n rub me hed. Mama remind me: u da International Cat ob Mystery n u brave n wize!

Mama so right! I iz bravest kitteh evah! N I goin ta Grammaz haus! Excited meow, me fearz = poof! I riggle n claw pas Mamaz hand n jump out da box. Floofy n free!  Da hoomanz protest, but I ignor dem n get bizzy chekin da bak windowz fur visibility. I haz ta hang tuff n kep me balance fur dis. Not eazy wen da car iz moovin soooo fast, but dis bery important duty! R life cud depend on it! I stay strong n chek da windowz furoughly. Da bak all gud!

I tell Mama dat I wan go upfront meow. Den wez play dat game wer Mama n Daddy sez, NOooo, get bak n da box, but I ignore dem n get me wayz. Cuz I so clevr! I wait til dey not lookin den I slowy ooooz tween da seatz into Mamaz lap fur she knoz it. Den I turnz on da supah purr. Mama cant resist da supah purr soz da game endz n I win!

I chek da front windowz. All gud! Meow I haz bes spot in da car! Mama eben hep kep me steady wen I standz. Fur many bumpz, turnz n radio songz I stand watchin da wurld streek by — endless burstz ob lite n noiz, stranj fingz n wondrus smelz. Fingz I do not kno. Da wurld so big it woosh by wike it goz on furevah n evah, but affur wile it mak me dizzy all wook sam.

I sleepy meow. I curl deep into Mamaz lap hunkrin down fur da long hawl to Da Border. Nex stop Mexico!

POO INFO:  Date – sam day  Color – 🐾🐾🐾  Texchur – 🐾🐾🐾  Pain Rating – 🐾  Notez: I went sumtiem be 4 da border

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Chek bak fur me nex installmint wer I Cross Da Border n haz mutch fun n Shenanaginz in Mexico!

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