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Dis Cud Have Been a Catastrophe

Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 22

Lionz n Tigerz n Bearz, Oh My !

It wuz dark wen we had r supah Top Secwet meetin n we wuz kickass hawt in R costumz. I went az a lion, Blu wuz a fuzzy wuzzy bear n Puss came az a scawy tiger. I almos jump oot me mane wen Puss appeared at me side. She wuz gloryus in her orange n bwak stwipez n she wuz absolutly terrifyin. Blu n I had ta nail R feets to da gwound nawt to hi tail it oota der. Nex to her we both wook wik kittens pwayin dwess up. It took a few minuts for I cud eben concentwat on her wordz so I missed da beginnin. Sumthin ’bout disciplin n proper awthorati makin da job lik buttah. I willy wemember da “buttah” comment cuz affur dat all I cud fink about wuz lappin up a slippery cold bowl o buttermilk. Fankfully Blu n Puss were on it doe. Dey rapid firin a ping pong discussion on da bes way to keep da twoops on task. Da qwesshon wuz da method o motivatin – Puss wuz pro-Fear n Blu wuz pro-Love. I wuz pro-tweatz,

We wuz prolly gettin noisy den, cuz dat wen da doggy nex door screemed n hiz hi pitched altered voice dat sound lik a mouse. We all stopped r-gu-in n look round fur da mouse. N dere was Dog makin tiny arf arf soundz dat come oot mor like squeekz. We cud nawt hep it but laff. We laffed so hard me tummy stawt hurtin. Den Dog joined in wike a munchkin on helium n we stawt cwyin fur mercy we laff so much.

So fur da sake o security we had ta tell Dog good nite n take da meetin inside.

Story continues below.

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Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 23

Wurldz Collide – Kitteh Armagedden

Soon az we went inside we wuz met by Azeara. Da rukus had woke her up n she wuz frisky n ober excited. Bein dat she very furiendly she had ta gweet both Puss n Blu formally. So dere wuz nose touching n butt sniffin n all ober inspecshanz fur da nex haff hour at weest. Affur dat dey mak da chit chat at da water bowl while I rile up sum kibble snaks. Dey wuz exotic rabbit n venison kibblez cuz o Azeara’s diet limitashanz so Puss n Blu wuz impwessed n call us cwassy. I pwoud n puff oot me chest.

Cors dat wen Isabella march in n saw dez scawy intwuderz steewin R foodz. N she wen full on kitteh attack mode wit da siren Mrrrrrrooow n eberyting. I wuz twuly skared fur me furiendz cuz Isabella iz dangerous wen she riled n I wuz sure dis de end o Puss n Blu. But Puss supriz us all wen she stood up ta Isabella lik a bwick wall. She jus calmly stand still n gav Isabella da hairy eyeball. Da res ob us jus fweeze. Eben Teri, who wuz still splayed oot in hiz cat bed pwactically oblivius, cwaled under hiz bwanket ta hide.

It wuz wike Kitteh Armageddon had cum to R haws n da firewooks wuz fwyin. Wiz. Bang!

Isabella’s siren went up an octave n her claws came oot, itchin ta stwike, but Puss jus stood n stawed. My hart wuz bangin so woud I cud nawt hear wat Puss n Isa said nex but it mussa been a zinger cuz Isabella suddenly growl n a way dat shak ur bonez n I clos me eyez nawt ta see da carnage dat wud follow. But den da hoomanz call frum da bedwoom,

“Isabella! Stop that! Leave the other cats alone!”

Isabella wook annoyed n embarrassed. She yowled dat dere wuz intwuderz but da hoomans jus yell at her agin. She stop mid-siren, hissed, den turned tail and sauntered bak to da bedwoom.

I wook at Azeara n her jaw on floor too. Puss wuzzn’t eben nervous. It wuz paaaaaaaawsuuuuum!

Affur dat we decided ta call it a nite n I invite Puss n Blu ta sleep ober on da catio.


Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 24

Thinkin Ootside da Box – We Getz Bizzy

Dis mornin wen I woke up I found Blu n Puss in deep discussion wit Isabella n Terri on how ta bes get thru all da boxes. Seemz dey gettin along now so I feelz bery relaxed n happy. I mew Puss wud mak it all betteh.

Sur enuf, by kibble-time dere iz a Master Plan n we all can get bizzy.

Master Plan: we give at weest haff da boxes away n den wurk in teemz under stwikt guidlinez ta recycle da west.

I go wit Blu n Terri ta deliber boxes to da needy kittehs in da empty lot down da stweet. We takeTerri cuz dis were he came frum an he knoz all da stwayz.

Wen we getz to da empty lot Terri letz oot a blood curdling yodel dat I neber hear befor. He say it da Call o da Wildz. N soon enuf a bunch scwaggly kittehz appear frum da shadowz. Terri introduce us ta hiz ole mates. Dere iz Sylvester, an ole tuxie, Pumkin, a floofy red gurl, and Moo, a cow kittey. Togeber dez thwee rulz da stway colony. I wuz sad tew see so many catz wit dem. Dere mus ha been at weest 15 cats in dat lot, maby mor. Sum were kittenz tew. Terri tawk wit hiz old buddiez fur a bit den we giv dem bout 20 boxes. Wen we lef da thwee were showin da kittenz how ta mak dere boxes comfy. Da older catz were alweady tuked in n snoozin. Dey so happy.

At hom, da oberz say dey give away bout 50 boxes to da ober solo stwayz n r various neighbor catz. Even Dog got a box dat he alweady chewin happily.

Den Blu, Puss n I took a load ober to da underpass fur da colony o stway hoomanz. I wuz worried dat dey wud be mean n scawy, but Puss wuz sure dey wuz jus hoomanz n we be fine. Turnz oot she wuz mossly rite, de stway hoomanz were jus dirty hoomanz wit oot denz. We gabe dem da big boxes, big enuf fur hoomanz ta sleep in, n let dem pet us fur a bit. Sum o dem were so tuched dey cwied. I pwetend I don see. Den a cwazy stway hooman showz up wantin all de boxes, n Blu had ta gib him a smak down. Dere wuz blood n screemin, den he run off n da ober hoomanz cheer. It wate so wez skedaddle on hom.

Puss n Blu stayed anober nite on da catio.


Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 25

Hi Ho Hi Ho, Its Off ta Wurk We Goz

Today Blu n Puss assigned each ob us a recyclin task. Puss say dat we shud do wat we bes at alwayz. So we each gawt a task dat match R skillz.

Azeara gawt da bes job – Box Sleepin – n she getz rite ta wurk. Puss sez I shud nawt be jelous cuz my job eben betteh. I don kno bout dat, but I get to do Box Prep w Terri. Furst Terri head butt da boxes on each side, n den I walk in circles inside da box until dere is a nice sleeping spot in da middle. Den it goez ta Azeara fur da box sleeping. I still feel cheated oot a nap, but I yung so I no complane.

In between boxes I watch Puss n Isabella in dere tasks. Isabella doez da scratchin in da furst phaz ob Box Modificatshan. Her cwas R bery sharp so it gud fur her n she willy wike it. Puss iz all da way at de last task – Box Smashin – n she getz into it. She wike ta run at da box, den do a flyin leap on top ta smash it gud. Da box don stand a chanz!

We also haz R ober furiendz wurkin hard. Da Raven famiwy iz bizzy pokin holz in da boxes wile dey kaw kaw kaw at each ober. Dey call dere station da Kaw Box, but really it pawt ob Box Modificatshan. R downstairz cat neighbors Theo n Jasper also haz Modification tasks. Theo iz batting da boxes wit her pawz til dere gud n boxed. Jasper iz biting da boxes til dey dog-eared. Eben Dog iz lik lik likin da boxes (nawt sur why, but no one haz tole him ta stop).

We all wurk hard frum mornin til Kibble time, chow down, n den we getz bak ta wurk agin til dark.

Den we all supah tired n dwop one by one to da gwound n sleep in place til mornin.


Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 26

Da Twee Haz Fallen, N It Can’t Get Up

Today wuz a bery sad day, n me hart iz heavy n full o tearz.

We all woke earwy dis mornin to howwible soundz ob buzzing n da earff shakin. I thawt maby da wurld wuz ending but actually it wurs. Eben da hoomanz R upset.

Seems da lovely butiful tree dat da Ravenz livez in wuz bein cut down by sum bery ebil hoomanz. It wuz jus behind R haws so it also meenz all R shad iz gone. Da Ravenz wuz loosin dere mindz n it wuz all we cud do ta keep dem frum attakin da twee killerz. Dey wuz murderous. I wuz tew.

I felt specially bad fur Mr. Raven cuz he had ta be so stwong fur Mrs. Raven n Lil Raven who cud nawt stop cwyin. Dis wuz dere ancestral hom dat dey nested in fur generashanz. N if dat wuznt bad enuf, da twee killerz eben took dere nest n all dere mementoz. So nowz da Raven family is homeless.

Dis, ob curs, meant we did not do any wurk today. Instead we all sat round da Ravenz n comfort dem n listen to dere frantic kawz o pain n misery. We all so upset n depwessed dat we barely eat da kibble at Kibble Time.

Da hoomanz twy ta distwact us all wit catnip n toyz but we didn’t eben respond. Eventually dey gabe up n went to dere flashing screenz ta distwact demselves.

We all stayed togeffur n hep da Ravenz mak a temporary nest on da catio. Den it was nite agin an we all twy ta sleep. but no one willy did. We jus lie still n wook at da see ling while da baby Raven cwy in hiz sleep.

It wuz a howwible day.


Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 27

Life Goez On n On n Kicks U in de Butt

Today wez got bak ta wurk. It wuzn’t eazy but Blu kicked all R buttz wen we gawt up, so we had no choice.

I actually woke to Blu dragin me frum my bed to my box station. He sed I mus be gud zample n get ta wurk so eberyone nawt cwy agin all day. I did wat he sed n so did my Sibs affur he dwag dem to dere stationz tew. By mid-mornin we wuz workin agin lik a fine hooman masheen.

‘Cept fur da Ravenz, dey had ta stawt findin a new twee ta live in n rebuild dere nest. Dey flew off shortly affur we woke. Dey pwomise ta twy find one nearby, but we all mew dat maby dey have to live far away now. We were all still bery sad, but we dove deep into da recyclin an twy nawt ta fink bout it.

At Kibble Time wez still depwessed n nawt hungwy so Blu twy mak us laff by teazin us wit hiz eye patch. He sez wez all sad saks n betteh stwaten up R he show us hiz eye hol n den we catch hiz eye diseez tew! We did nawt beleev him, but den he show hiz eye hol n we all scweem n mak him put hiz patch bak. Den we all laff at how much it scaw us. Blu wuz nawt offended, in fac I fink he enjoy ebery bit ob R fearz.

By da end o da day we actually gettin to da end o R mountain o boxes. I wuz amazed, n so wuz Isabella. She now finkz Puss iz her new bes furiend n dey getz long reel gud.

By nite we finish up n onwy da mew boxes R leff.

Den da Ravenz return wit gud mews – dey found a twee n it nawt tew far. Dey still rebuildin dere nest, but dey haz place ta sleep soon.

I happy wez all spend one mor nite togeffur before eberyone leevs. It wuz wike a kitten pile dat nite n it wuz nice.


Dis be me sisfur Azeara, Da International Cat of Mistery. Yoo can see her drivin’ advenchurs on Instagram.

Catnip’s Jurnal Entry 28

Da Job iz Don – Let’s Celebrate Wike it 1999

We all don wit catchin up on da box recyclin now so we spent da day celebratin. Da hoomanz gabe us all catnip n we wuz drunk wit nippiness. Eben da Ravenz had sum before dey flew off ta dere twee ta finish dere nest. I don fink it did nuthin tew dem, but it wuz gud ta share.

Da west ob us spent da day in a catnip haze lazin round wike we cats wike ta do. We tole cat ghost stowies n Blu teazed us mor by showin us hiz ebil eye hol. We laff n laff dis time cuz it willy wuzn’t so scawy anymor.

At Kibble Time da hoomanz wuz gud staff n gabe us tuna fur a surpriz. We went cwazy gobblin it all down lik we wuz stawvin. I neber ben so full!

Den Jasper n Thoe, da neighbor cats, went hom n it wuz jus us wit Puss n Blu.

Blu stawt tellin me bout hiz Cosplay Club n how he n Puss been memberz furevah n dey wan me ta join tew. It sound lik fun. Dey get togeffur each monff ta cosplay, n sometimes dere R theme partyz were u can goez az sumthin u hazn’t played befor. Da nex one iz Jungal themed soz I can still use me Lion suit dis time. Dey promis me I wud feel at hom n dey will be dere if I don. I agwee ta gib it a twy.

Den Blu an my Sibs went off to dere respective bedz n R soon snorin.

Me n Puss stay up talkin. We talk bout how da job went so well, n I fank her fur all her hep. Den we talk bout da time in pwison n how she still haz ta play it saf at wurk. Da boss iz suspishus, but he haz no pwoof dat Puss involved – yet. I worry fur her, but she tell me nawt tew cuz she be fine. She bring up R still pendin date, n we toss oot ideaz fur what ta do n where ta go. I wan ta go to a nice gawden pwace were we can chase insectz n haz goldfish dessert. Puss wantz ta go dancin in da moonlite. I nawt sure I gud at dancin, but Puss sez she teech me.

Den we tired n fore I knoz it we cuddlin in nice modified box snug az tew bugz n we dwiff off ta kitteh dweamland. A land where all da boxes R recycled n all da Ravenz haz twees n Puss n I dance wit goldfish.